Rated H for Honest
by The Darke Lorde
Summary: A bunch of Honest trailers on books & Cartoons. Rated H for Honest. JK! Rated K for Honesty.
1. Chapter 1

**HEY-O! It's me, The Darke Lorde! If this is your first time reading a fanfiction by me, I won't recommend any fanfics I did already, 'cuz they're all different story lines. But, this will be a Honest trailer series, where I will be as ABSOLUTLEY BRUTALLY HONEST AS I FRIGGIN' ABSOLUTLEY HUMANLEY PHYSICALLY CAN. Me no kiddin' there. If you don't like honesty that is brutal, move along. Read any of the other 3 fics I've made. Just, keep your reading in order, plz. K, let's go. Oh, also, I don't own this. The format is by a cool youtube channel, Screen Junkies, and all the characters belong to their owner.**

This trailer is rated H for Honest.

From the same studio that keeps throwing dumb crap at the wall and seeing if it sticks, comes a most WONDERFUL show, about a post-apocalyptic family is forced to have sex with their own sibs…. WHOOPS, wrong show. But, as close as I can get to what the fandom sees it as. Literally. Nope, this is a most WONDERFUL show about…. Well, isn't this what the trailer's about? Oh, yeah.

Follow the life of Lincoln Loud, the only son in family 13 strong, and the only albino in ANY Nick show, as he attempts to survive in a chaotic family of girls with very different personalities, like; a phone-obsessed teen; a sweet-hearted idiot whose hobbies include fashion woodcarving, cooking lock-picking, and running from rats & spiders; a rockin' punk chick; a prank & joke loving chick; a student athlete; what you get when you mix an Enderman, Slenderman, a goth girl, & put the result on nightmare fuel; the Artic & Antartica; a feminine discount Dexter; and a baby. Y'know, the regular family weirdoes! Also, I mean like, when do we get to see an episode where the parents have another boy? I mean, SERIOUSLY. Also, the episode where the parents have a surgery to remove their reproductive systems? And, see him team up with his oldest sister's boyfriend with a billion jobs, his hot girlfriend, & his African friend whose parents are gay! AND, when you've finished your 5 pm watching pleasure, hop onto the Internet to see the show in a new light: Incest, Harem, Lesbian, AND Incest Harem Lesbian things about this show are all on the Internet. Also, our heroes try to survive a man called Mr. Grouse, who, weirdly is named after a bird related to the turkey on your Thanksgiving plate. Literally.

STARRING:

The Discount Albino (Lincoln)

The Pacifica Northwest without the Cash Who the Fandom Ships With the Discount Albino (Lori)

The Fashionity, Woodcarvity, Lock-pickity, Cookitity, Fearitity Idiot Who the Fandom Ships with the Discount Albino (Leni)

The Discount Human Feminine Lunala Who the Fandom Ships with the Discount Albino (Luna)

The Prankegeddon WQho the Fandom Ships with the Discount Albino (Luan)

The Student Athlete Who the Fandom Ships with the Discount Albino (Lynn Jr.)

A Goth Girl on Nightmare Fuel (Lucy)

The Poles (Lana & Lola)

The Discount Feminine Dexter (Lisa)

The Baby (Lily)

You know what they're doin' tonight (Rita & Lynn Sr.)

Renaissance Mex (Bobby)

The Hot Girl the Fandom Ships with the Discount Albino (Ronnie Anne)

The Crushin' Nose Bleeder (Clyde)

Mr. Phasianidae (Mr. Grouse)

& far more peeps in: La Casa Ruidosa! Er, I mean, The Loud House!

 **Don't forget to follow/fav me on your account and tell me what to do next!** **The darke lorde**


	2. ARRY POWTER!

**HEY MY BOYS! THE DARKE LORDE IS IN THE HHHHHHOOOOOUUUUUUUUSSSSSSEEEEEEE! K, after this note, there WILL be NO author's notes for RHFH(This Fic) anymore, K? Let's Go.**

This Trailer is rated H for Honest

Okay, already.

From J.K. Rowling, the author of the book series that kept Borders open for another few years, comes the movie adaptation for people too lazy to read: Harry Potter.

When an evil noseless freak threatens to take over the world, it's up to this boy wizard, his totally useless friend, and his superior-in-every-way hot lady friend to defeat him. Ah, and when I said "hot", I only meant in the last three movies after she'd turned eighteen, heh. Pervs.

Journey along as they travel to a magical boarding school, where kids learn potions, spells, and divination, but not English, math, or science; where technology seems to be frozen in the 19th century, replacing cell phones and the Internet with quill pens and owls; and where child endangerment is totally no big deal. My goodness! Seriously, how have they not shut this school down yet?

A franchise so epic, it took ten years, eight films, four directors, and two Dumbledores to tell, featuring the one that started it all, the one everyone hates, the one everyone loves, the one with "Shovel Face", the one with the raging hormones, the one where Dumbledore dies - oh, spoiler alert, the one you can skip, and the one that made adults cry like little babies.

Follow our heroes as they transform from adorable youngsters struggling to act, to awkward tweens, to barely legal heartthrobs, to young adults pretending to look like grown-ups. Ron really let himself go.

Witness the magic that will dazzle you with questions like, if magic is supposed to be secret, why is there a doorway in the most highly trafficked subway station in London? Why are all the bullies in one house, and why don't they just expel them? And isn't it disturbing that this rat on Ron's crotch is actually a grown man? Ughhh.

Relive the excitement of acclaimed British thespians yelling nonsense...

Gilderoy Lockhart: Alarte Ascendere!

Albus Dumbledore: Rubeus Hagrid.

Severus Snape: Avada Kedavra.

Horace Slughorn: Felix Felicis.

Minerva McGonagall: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.

...battles that would've been way cooler with lightsabers, or if they'd just moved around a little more, and Rupert Grint's dumb face.

Starring Luke Skypotter, Ginger Spice, Your First Erection, Warwick Davis, Professor Hans Gruber, Claudio Miranda, Hairy Old Man, Warwick Davis, Forest Whitaker , Hodor, Michael Jackson, Lindsay Lohan, Warwick Davis Vladimir Putin, Larry King, Gandalf the Gay, and Warwick Davis.

Harry Potter.

So Quidditch makes absolutely no sense, right? A hundred-and-fifty-point ball? That's just bullsh** right there.


	3. Despicable Greed

This film is rated H for Honest

From Universal Pictures' marketing department comes one of the most expensive, far-reaching promotional campaigns of all time, and also a movie: Minions.

You loved the first two Despicable Me's. Now, in the tradition of Joey, The Cleveland Show, and The Battle for Endor, comes a spin-off that takes a character who's fun in small doses and makes you wish they stayed in the background. Get ready for a Minions origin story that doesn't even tell you what a Minion is, or where their language comes from, or whether they're immortal, or whether they have genders, or why some have one eye, or why they always wear goggles, or how they reproduce. But who cares? You're either six years old or a parent wishing they could check their phone in the movie theater.

Steve Carell is back...at the very end for, like, thirty seconds to remind you how much better this movie would have been with little Gru and some Minion babies. Instead, hang with his bland replacement, Scarlet Overkill, who has our three heroes steal the queen's crown, which they do, then she hates them...? ( **Scarlet Overkill** : I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I hate you.)...in ninety minutes of lazy gags that makes Cars 2 look like the beginning of Up, featuring all these 1960s references that don't belong in a movie for little kids or their thirtysomething parents. But they will repeat the word "banana" over and over again, so at least it's got that going for it.

Try to undo the harmful messages the movie will drill into your kids' impressionable heads, like "be a mindless follower", "don't question authority", and "shooting at the cops is okay as long as you're little and cute". Y'know, for kids' characters, they really do kill a lotta people ( _shows an increasing death count for the Minions_ ).

So after Pixar showed us that children's movies can be great ( _shows clips from Inside Out_ ) and The LEGO Movie proved that even shameless marketing can be fun, let Minions remind you that cynical studio branding exercises make just as crappy films as you'd expect.

Starring Sandra Bollocks (Sandra Bullock as Scarlet Overkill), SpongeBob RoundPants (Pierre Coffin as Bob), Stewart Little (Pierre Coffin as Stuart), Kevin Hart (Pierre Coffin as Kevin), Only 2 Minutes of Gru for Some Reason (Steve Carell as Gru), and Those Horrible Facebook Memes Your Aunt Keeps Posting That Don't Have Anything to Do with Minions At All.

Despicable Greed.

If they hadn't gotten stuck in that ice cave, the Minions totally would've helped Hitler and the Nazis, too, right?


	4. MOANA

Are you ready for a new kind of Disney movie full of strong female characters, no forced romantic subplots, and a celebration of Polynesian culture? Then you'll love Lilo & Stitch.

 **Maui** : Did not see that coming.

Oh, and probably also Moana.

Meet Moana, a strong, determined young woman who won't stop until she gets the job done, who, after ninety minutes of adventure, becomes a strong, determined young woman who won't stop until she gets the job done. She's indestructible, she's fearless, and she's got water powers just as confusing and vague as Elsa's ice magic in Frozen. So, wait, does she even have any water powers at all, or does it only protect whoever has the glowy thing? And if the ocean has her back, why does it keep trying to drown her?

Follow along on Moana's quest to save her homeland by following a super-obvious sign in a journey that pokes fun at all of Disney's usual tropes while at the same time being one hundred percent guilty of them, from her cute animal sidekicks to her grand Mufasa to her genie, Maui, an all-powerful, charismatic, brawling, tattooed demigod...so, pretty much The Rock.

Enjoy the highest honor a culture can receive these days: having your traditions commodified by the Disney Corporation; and watch as the Polynesian people, who traveled between islands thousand of miles apart thousands of years ago, are represented by paranoid coconut lovers who would rather starve to death than sail past a three-foot break.

 **Moana** : We were voyagers; we can voyage again!

Haole for effort, I guess.

So enjoy a film with a soundtrack people can't stop gushing about because the guy from Hamilton is involved, and not even the ocean gushes as hard as Hamilton fans, featuring songs like "The They're Really Into Coconuts Song"...

 **Tui and Sina** : You can't escape;/We're gonna keep you around/And force you to stay exactly where you are./But, hey, we've got coconuts (H*** yes!),/Coconuts, wheeeeee!/We're all obsessed with the coconut; it's so cult-y.

 **Tui** : You'll marry a coconut/When you turn thirteen.

 **Villagers** : We worship that Tom Hanks movie.

 **Moana** : You all are freaks!

..."The Uh-oh, We're Making the Rock Sing Song"...

 **Maui** : You can smell what I'm cookin';/I'll save your franchise, make money, no problem!/You all recognize my voice, my bod,/But in one respect, I'm kinda flawed:/I can do anything except sing;/Autotune couldn't get me on track./I'll be president someday; still, I can't sing,/But who else pulls off a fanny pack?

..."The Let It Go-ish Song"...

 **Moana** : After Frozen did well for Disney, they told me/To sing a clone/of "Let It Go"!/If a song about girls being free makes more money,/Then you should know,/Like Adele Dazeem, it's an off-brand "Let It Go".

...and "The Beautiful Song in a Foreign Language That Could Be Saying Anything Song".

 **Villagers** : Haloa, haloa, E he iailoa na kupu Aua e tolu afe ia tino, e tautala faka tokelau. Haloa, haloa, E maua e ia na hakumanuianga. Kae he iloa e latou, e hau mai Puerto Rico.

I hope you like that one, 'cause it turns out it's really friggin' hard to find a Tokelauan translator.

Starring Nemo; Choking the Chicken; David Glowie; Shy Guys ; and Wow, Troy Polamalu Really Let Himself Go.

Pacific Swim.

Okay, so wait a second, Rapunzel (Tangled) has demon hair, Elsa has ice powers, and Moana is a waterbender? Are we building up to Disney's Princess Avengers? ( _squeals_ )


	5. Lion Monarch

Before there was Frozen, relive the peak of Disney animation, followed immediately by its downfall ( _shows posters for The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Tarzan, Treasure Planet, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Brother Bear, The Emperor's New Groove, Home on the Range, The Lion King 1 1/2, and The Lion King II: Simba's Pride_ ). The Lion King.

Revisit the original tale of a royal heir whose parents die, prompting them to run away from their kingdom, then sing a song about letting go of their worries while things fall apart back home, and return to defeat an evil prince ( _shows clips comparing The Lion King and Frozen during this summary_ ). I knew there was a reason I liked that movie.

Journey to Pride Rock, an animal kingdom with some incredibly generous borders ( **Mufasa** : Everything the light touches is our kingdom.) and its own version of New Jersey ( **Simba** : What about that shadowy place?/ **Mufasa** : You must never go there, Simba.), where all of its African animals talk like they're British, evil British, Latino, Jewish moms, gangsta, or CNN.

Witness the birth of lion king Simba, an obnoxious know-it-all who rubs his privilege in everyone's face. Watch as Simba's life of leisure is shattered by his evil uncle, a lion who is either named Scar by coincidence or he got stuck with a really mean nickname.

Get ready for a G-rated movie filled with domestic abuse, a child raised by a same-sex couple - not that there's a problem with that - and the most traumatic death of a parent since Bambi's mom got shot in the face.

 **Simba** : Dad, we gotta go home.

Ha...Hakuna Matata?

So let Frozen go and experience the best music of any Disney musical ever, with unforgettable songs like "The Be Careful What You Wish For Song"...

 **Simba** : Oh, I just can't wait 'til Dad dies!

..."The Plotting Evil Stuff Song"...

 **Scar** : So prepare, because I am the bad guy!/Be prepared for me to do bad guy things.

..."The Catchy Song to Distract Kids from the Horrific Death They Just Saw"...

 **Simba** : I went through trauma at a very young age.

 **Timon** : Don't be a downer, kid.

 **Simba** , **Timon** : They just killed my dad...

 **Pumbaa** : Forget all that!

 **Simba** , **Pumbaa** , **Timon** : An African Catchphrase!

..."The Slow Jam"...

 **Simba** , **Nala** : We are gonna pork tonight./Yeah, we are totally gonna pooooooooork./It was nice to be childhood friends with ya,/But now it's time to pooooooooork!

...and "The Song That Fools Us Into Thinking These Animals Live in Harmony".

 **Singer** : IIIIIIIIIIIIII don't know-aaaaaaaaa what the words really are.

 **Chorus** : (It's okay,/We'll make them up./They'll make them up.)/No one knows-a what-a we are saying,/But it's fun to sing it anyway-a.

 **Singer** : He's a threat to our lives!/He could eat us aaaaaaaaaaaall!/He is on display to remind us we're prey!

Starring Lion Jafar; Bird Sebastian; Ren & Stimpy; Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy; Do-Me Eyes; Dad Vader; and Kimba the White Lion.

The Lion King.

Wait, if Mufasa and Scar are the only male lions in the pride, then Nala's dad is probably...oh, no.


End file.
